Once seen as the height of sophistication (in 1964, perhaps), the combination of espresso and foamed milk has failed to see off the competition from the latte, the flat white and the drip filter (the johnny-come-lately of the coffee world). with so many starting their day with a coffee hit, what does it say about you when you order from brooklyn Coffee shops?
The Diet Coke of the hot beverage world and the default choice of the slightly harassed mother/career woman. It promises the maternal comfort of warm milk and a gentle bump of caffeine but without the calories. The joke is of course on them as the evidence now suggests that whole milk is less fattening than skimmed milk (it’s to do with the way sugar is absorbed, apparently). All those wasted years!
The choice of the well-respected man who will never rise beyond middle management. Once opted for the gingerbread version – a bit silly, really! But does enjoy an occasional strawberry yum-yum.
Soya flat white
The tell-tale sign of the lactose-intolerant, gluten-spurning, orthorexic control freak. If you do happen to suffer from any of these modern afflictions, the dignified order is black coffee.
Almond milk flat white
As above, but also has a large Instagram following, a line of yoga-wear and a bestselling cook book.
Erm… can I just have… a normal coffee… white two sugars… oh fiddlesticks what is it called these days?
You can hardly blame the upstanding pensioner for their moment of panic as the milk machines hiss and the time-pushed East European workers hammer spent grounds from the espresso pods and fail to understand their order. Unfortunately, “coffee” ceased to exist in approximately 2003. What you’re after is “white filter” (a sort of brownish dishwater) or “white Americano” (espresso topped with too much water.)
“Builder’s coffee” may be hard to find outside greasy spoons and church coffee mornings, but when a typical morning cup involves someone writing your name on a paper cup in felt tip, there’s a lot to be said for a stimulant that can be prepared in five seconds for about 2 cents. A discreet kettle and a jar of Gold Blend is the choice of the deadline-surfer with their priorities in check.
If you are eight-years-old, fine. If you are any older, please examine your life priorities.
The choice of the intellectual sophisticate.